The Unwelcome Shadow: Learning to Recognize and Cope with Personal Stress

The Unwelcome Shadow: Learning to Recognize and Cope with Personal Stress

In his book My Age of Anxiety, author Scott Stossel proposes that if people were to “grapple with and understand anxiety” (Altman), then they would be closer to understanding the human condition. If this is indeed the case, then I should be considered an expert on the human condition because unfortunately, I am one of a multitude of individuals, particularly from the millennial generation, who suffers from stress and anxiety. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, my fellow millennials and I typically “experience more stress and are less able to manage it than any other generation” (Beaton). Consequently, stress has been my unwelcome shadow since college, following me from job to job, from state to state, and from major life moment to major life moment. When it has escalated to anxiety, it has affected my health on numerous occasions and has attempted to cloud what should have been blissful times. However, due to many major life changes in the past year, I have made efforts to manage it and break the trend of my generation. Through practical study and implementation, I have begun to understand my stress and in turn, as Stossel promises, my own human condition. I have realized that in order to successfully “grapple” with my stress, I have to understand its source, its effects, and finally its solution.

Initially, in order to try and eradicate any problem, one must first identify the cause. Stress can be caused by either internal or external factors (Segal). The majority of my personal stress is internal. According to The New Health Guide, a regularly updated resource found in The New York Times, stress can occur from “any event or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, or nervous”(“Stress and Anxiety”). For myself, I know that much of my stress and frustration comes from the thought of failure. Have I consistently failed in life? Not really, yet the thought of failing still plagues me. This thought has created a sense of paranoia as I worry about failing as a teacher, as a friend, as a wife, and as a mother. The stress from this thinking escalates when responsibilities and workloads increase to the point where I feel as if I am drowning and failure is inevitable.

Likewise, as Dr. Jeanne Segal and her professional team point out in “Stress Symptoms, Signs, and Causes”, another internal stressor is “negative self-talk,” which I frequently do. As my husband will readily acknowledge, I am very self-critical. I over analyze much of what I do and often come to the misguided conclusion that “it’s just not good enough.” It is difficult for me to recognize my accomplishments, even when they are obvious to others. Rather, it is easier to pick out my shortcomings, and this thinking of course contributes to my stress load and is linked to my fear of failure.

Not only is my stress triggered by the inner workings of my own mind, but it is also provoked by outside occurrences such as change. While many people thrive on consistency and a constant comfort zone, change is an unavoidable part of life. Without it, there is no growth but its antithesis: stagnation. However, change is rarely easy and that creates stress. As The New Health Guide relates, stress can be triggered by significant life changes and the need to adapt to those changes. These can include changing jobs, getting married, moving, or having a child, two of which I have experienced in the past six months. While these changes have been wonderful, making the mandatory adjustments has also been tense and worrisome.

After pinpointing the internal and external causes of the bulk of my stress, it is important to examine how this tension affects me both physically and mentally. Currently, when I become overly stressed, it definitely affects my sleeping patterns. I may be exhausted, but I will lie awake with my stress tossing and turning in my mind. If I do fall asleep, I will often clench my jaw and grind my teeth while sleeping which has resulted in the occasional need to wear a mouthguard. Likewise during the day, my muscles become tight and tense which leads to aches and pains, particularly in my back. Occasionally my stress has even lead to migraines.

Similarly, stress leaves a mark on my mental health. I often find that as my stress level escalates, so does my level of irritability and frustration. This can result in snapping at those who mean the most to me and who are only trying to help. Also, I find that stress brings despair into my mind which makes it a struggle to remain positive.

As I examine how stress affects me now, I cringe to think how it may impact me in the future if I don’t learn to successfully manage it. Long term stress can affect a person’s memory and ability to concentrate.