The Spectrum of Self

The self has been described as the primary qualities that constitute a person’s uniqueness or essential being. The self can be considered the source of consciousness, the agent responsible for one’s actions and thoughts, or the center of individual personality. The essential qualities of the self-make the individual act and react to situations in life. Yet, some people end up going beyond their essential selves and become fragmented, or even lost. This happens for many reasons: they are unhappy when they are young; they encounter difficulties in their adult lives; they experience events they cannot fully incorporate into consciousness, or they develop psychological problems after the loss of loved ones. People suffering challenges may have difficulties coping with the life that prevent them from moving on because they are losing a part in their consciousness. The true self is based on consciousness since people may only be aware of their feelings, sensations, and environment in the present. Writers often portray the vagaries of consciousness to depict the myriad thoughts and feelings which pass through the minds of the characters. Masterpieces of ontological literature such as No Exit, Big Fish, and Rough for Theatre II present consciousness of varying unity and fragmentation so effectively they may almost seem more real than our own.

The whole self is the total essence of a person comprising all elements of consciousness. An example of a whole self is in Jean-Paul Sartre’s famous play No Exit, set in a heel. Inez is a woman whose experience in life has made her tough and strong. She admits mistakes and avoids self-deception to a greater degree than any other characters in the play. She owns up to her crimes, acknowledges her situation, and faces her surroundings. She is the only character who is honest about the devil mistakes she made while alive on earth. On the other hand, Gracin and Estelle do not. Inez does not conceal the fact that she is a cruel person. When Gracin tries to minimize her autonomy, Inez insists that she has freedom to make her own decisions because she is conscious of herself: “Well I won’t stand for that, I prefer to choose my hell; I prefer to look you in the eyes and fight it out face to face” (Sartre 22). She accepts the present while both Garcin and Estelle refuse to let go their pasts, obsessing about their friends and loved ones still on earth. Inez, however, sees her past as meaningless: “Nothing whatever. Nothing of you’s left on earth-not even a shadow. All you own is here” (Sartre 33). In addition. she believes that each person must responsible for her acts, so she does not dwell on regret. She challenges Garcin and Estelle to take responsibility for their previous actions by provoking confessions from them or threatening them. She does not want to follow any example that Garcin is giving regarding how “to live her life”: “No need. My life’s in perfect order. It tidied itself up nicely of its own accord. So I needn’t bother about it now” (Sartre 11). At the end of the play, Inez makes everyone disclose their wrong deeds so they know what to expect from each other. Inez is always conscious of herself and because of that singing, she remains in a position to guide or teach her companions while in hell.

Unlike the whole self, the fragmented self-exploits imagination to escape the present. The fragmented self-pits the imagination against the present. This can make it difficult for an individual to cope with one’s own self. A fragmented self sometimes suffers delusions and hallucinations. Edward Bloom from Daniel Wallace’s Big Fish is just such a character whose life is distorted by the shame he has over his disappointment of his life. THe likes telling many stories and the sad thing about Edward’ s stories is that they eventually destroy his relationship with his son William. Every story he tells is grand and far-fetched, and he shows all the typical qualities of a larger than life hero: bravery, physical prowess, creativity, and charity. However, in real life, he's just a man who is financially successful but an emotional failure. He abandons his family and his need to see himself as more than a man makes him a failure as a man. Edward does not feel his life growing up was exciting or fulfilling, so he exaggerates his stories so that his son may think he is a hero. William grows up loving his father’s stories, but as he gets older he despises them because he believes they are nothing but lies that his father tells to hide who he really is. He feels this way because his father tells the stories that are fantastical and mythical. Through these stories, pieces of Edward’s characters- some of whom are actual people- are revealed as well as the places he has passes through. These invented people are a part of him and he is a part of them, also. He also looks for comfort in his son and wants to be a great man to him: “that if a man could be said to be loved by his son, then I think this man could be considered great” (Wallace 22).

Another conflict that Edward has is the when he goes to Specter, the new town that he goes when he leaves Ashland. Everything seems perfect to him because of lush green grass covered their thoroughfare but in reality, something is wrong: everyone is barefoot, all their shoes are tied on a string where no one can reach them, so no one can leave, first because of their shoes and because of the dogs who chased after them. Edward’s shoe is stolen and thrown on the string in an effort to prevent him from leaving. The citizens try to convince Edward not to leave by telling him that the way to get back is going to be difficult without his shoes and because of the door. He agrees that it will be painful but wants to leave anyway. As Jimmie, the one who shows him the town explains: “ The number of times they tried to go. Either out of here or back to where they came from. That dog doesn’t play games” (Wallace 46). Edward has big dreams and aspires to be the biggest fish in the ocean, therefore he has to prevent himself from getting caught. By staying in Specter, he would have gotten caught like Winslow, who was a great poet could no longer write because there is no room for growth in Specter where everything just stays the same. Notice that it is when Winslow leaves Specter that he experiences growth, so much so that he becomes one of the richest men in the world. Another conflict that Edward has is his relationship between