Should Parents Be Concerned About Their Young Children Using Ipad?

Should parents be concerned about their young children using iPad?

Analysis Portfolio

Engineering Activity 1

     My previous thesis statement missed most of the key components and only caught the parallel structure. My paper needs to be revised nearly everywhere in my opinions.

     New completed thesis statement:

     Allowing young children to play iPad should become more widely adopted by parents because iPad helps children develop more creative and active minds, promote children’s regularly psychological development, as well as build mature social skills.

     As Jacqlyn’s feedback said, I did not clear the thesis upfront, and I wrote too vague in the beginning so that audiences could not understand what I am going to talk about. I did not indicate explicitly about the purpose and the body of my paper. My implicit and long sentences may confuse audiences and let them see no point to pay attention to my paper. Furthermore, I used “I believe” and “a lot” to declare my thesis, and this weakens my statement. Thus, my new thesis statement is more direct to the goal and claims what will be addressed in the following paragraphs.

     In my future writing, I will be more specific and strong instead of using vague words. Moreover, I will restrict my thesis into bite-size issue and clear my opinions. In addition, my thesis will express one major idea about the issue or subject and develop organized following paragraphs to support my thesis. In sum, I am going to try my best to catch audiences’ attention and express an excellent thesis statement of my paper.

Engineering Activity 2

     In my Diagnostic Essay, I wrote three paragraphs to support my point about the issue that should parents be concerned about their young children using iPad or not. After revising my thesis statement, I concluded the major points of three paragraphs.

     The first is iPad could help children development more creative and active minds, and I applied using facts/statistic/research to support my points. I added the research of three kindergarten classes in Australia to state the education benefits of iPad, which may help children prepare for school. Moreover, if parents choose appropriate apps for children, the result of allowing children to play iPad would be hopeful. However, I did not write much about the research so that the connection between the research and my arguments did not develop fully. I believe that I could extend more sentences to describe the research and contain more supporting details so as to enhance the validity of my persuasive strategy.

     Another central point is playing iPad can promote children’s regularly psychological development, and I combined the strategy that is citing an authority/expert with my argument. By using the report of millennium Cohort Study that children who play iPad have normal psychological characteristics rather than having great emotional and behavioral changes compared with children who watch TV, I strengthened my opinions. Despite the credibility being added to my argument, I did not state the research explicitly. Hence, I think I should establish the relationship between the research and my points firmly, manage my explanation more organized and let audiences enjoy a flow reading.

     The last major perspective is children can equip with mature social skills through playing iPad. Additionally, I adopted example/anecdotes to boost my argument by considering my little sister Jessica. I did not explain this example well, and I used poor sentences to state the benefits my sister gained from playing iPad so that this example might be not effective. I would adjust the whole example to build the connection with audiences such as what kinds of social skills Jessica obtained from playing Angry birds or Little Dentist. Using examples to arouse resonance of audiences will be more beneficial for stating my arguments.

Engineering Activity 4

     The introduction paragraph should consist of a hook, background information, and thesis statement. Compared my diagnostic essay with this structure, I think I wrote all the three part in my introduction but my expressions should be more detailed and not too vague or general. For hook, I used general sentences to describe the situation of technology but those sentences may not catch audiences’ attention because of insipid descriptions. What’s more, the background of my introduction is effective in my eyes depending on those sentences about opinions about the issue people might have and stated a comparison between others’ and my perspectives. Readers could understand more through my introducing background information. Additionally, the worst part is my thesis statement, which is not clear upfront and is too vague to understand. I think thesis statement is the most significant factor in the introduction so that implicit thesis would affect the continuous reading and let audiences lost their interests. My order for the introduction was correct, but the context made my introduction ineffective. Hence, I should give readers an explicit preview of my main points directly and avoid vague descriptions so as to attract audiences’ interests. For hook, I may use some vivid examples or post a question to focus readers’ attention. What about the background information is I could add a “why” to strengthen my statements and convince readers to align with me.

     Furthermore, an ending of an essay is as crucial as making a bow after a performance. A great conclusion may contain a summary, connection, and a clincher. I believe my conclusion is somewhat effective because I restated my perspectives and presented a brief summary of my whole paper in spite of the missing connection and clincher. Moreover, my conclusion could be improved by adding a connection between my arguments and future possibilities. For instance, iPad might be improved specifically for children’s education or for a certain concentration of kids’ benefits. Then giving a deeper impression for readers to think about my main points through calling them to get more involved in iPad and experience the benefits by self. In sum, the conclusion should be a perfect ending of an essay and give audiences an aftertaste of the paper.

Should parents be concerned about their young children using iPad?

     Technology provides people a more convenient lifestyle various methods to explore this sophisticated world. However, they also trigger some controversial problems such as the issue that should parents be concerned about their young children using iPad. Some might think iPad is not good for children’s development because iPad may affect negatively on children’s subsequent growth. However, iPad could be a fantastic platform, which equips with educational functionality. Rather than concerning, allowing young children to play iPad should be more widely adopted by parents because iPad help children develop more creative and active minds, promote children’s regularly psychological development, as well as build mature social skills.

     First and foremost, children develop more creative and active minds while playing. IPad not merely supplies plain fun for children, but also represents an additional classroom for them to learn novel abilities. Furthermore, certain applications boost children’s imagination and mathematical skills such as painting and mental arithmetic. For instance, in order to win in playing Angry Birds, children should know how to hit the pig by manipulating the accurate angle and intensity. Thus, through those interesting interactivities with iPad’s application, children experience high-frequency information exchange with the luminous rectangular screen and gradually form personal mental schemes to solve problems. Therefore, children are more likely to shape intelligent and creative minds by playing iPad. As Matthew Dunn said, the study whether iPad equips with educational functionalities or not for pre-school children guides three kindergarten to research the instructional benefits of iPad applications. According to Sandra Gattenhof at the Queensland University of Technology, "There have been past studies examining young children's use of iPads and smart phone technology but this is the first to link the use with literacy and numeracy through creative applications." (Weber, 2013) It is easily to see that people care about iPad’s advantages and hope to utilize those merits to create beneficial outcomes. Some potentially relevant research also indicates that if parents select the appropriate applications, the result will be hopeful. Therefore, the physical inspiration of minds brought by iPad could promote children’s creativity as well as enhance children’s thinking ability.