Com 200: Interpersonal Communication

Letter of Advice

Erika Berry

Com 200: Interpersonal Communication

Dr. Stephanie Davis

January 9, 2018

Letter of Advice

Dear Aubreigh and Bentley,

                Congratulations on your engagement. I know the two of you have been together for a few years now. Some things will stay the same and some things will change once you are married. There is no rush to get married, this is a time to learn more about each other. I have recently finished an Interpersonal Communication class at school. I would like to offer some advice, that I learned from my class. Frankie and I have been together for almost six years, we have only been married for three years. Before, taking this course, we had poor communication skills. Since taking this course, I made him read the book and our relationship has gotten a lot better, especially with our communication skills.   Communication is the key to every relationship. You can have a good relationship and poor communication skills. I have watched the both of you grow up, and I have watched your relationship grow. I am offering my advice because I want you to last a lifetime. In my class I learned so much information, that can be used in everyday life. In my class, I learned, what interpersonal communication is, barriers, principles of an effective relationship, self-image, self-concept, self-esteem, and self-disclosure. I also learned that culture plays a key role in the way we do things. Verbal and nonverbal gestures play a key role in communication skills. I will also discuss active- empathic listening. Empathic, and emotional intelligence and I will also explain each one. Interpersonal Communication is vital to any healthy relationship. It does not matter if it is professional, social or romantic. Without communication, the relationship will not be as successful. Communication is the heartbeat of every relationship. Please keep this letter in mind, thought your relationship.

Interpersonal Relationship

Interpersonal communication is an exchange of information between two or more people. Interpersonal communication is a unique type of communication. Marriage is the most important interpersonal relationship, you will ever be in. Interpersonal communication involves the two of you interacting face to face. Communication is a process where the two of you strive to create a shared meaning, using verbal and nonverbal messages (Bevan & Sole, 2014). A marriage is a very delicate relationship and it will require a lot of communication.  The best way to teach each other is to watch the other person. Watch how the other person speaks to others. Becoming a married couple is a stressful experience, but it is completely worth it. Your communication skills will be tested over time. I know this from experience, Frankie and I had issues with communication when we started dating. Once we started living together our communication progressed and got a lot better. I hope this helps you understand interpersonal relationships better. always remember that communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Miscommunication is when you say, or send something to someone and that person does not understand or misunderstands. Misunderstandings come from many different sources, that person may not be able to fully pay attention at that time, busy at work, might have had a bad day, or something might have gone on beforehand. Where it is good there is bad, and things will try to interfere with your relationship. The main things that will interfere with a relationship are barriers.

Barriers

Barriers are something that interferes with you understanding the message the other person is sending you. A barrier can be a noise, a headache (pain), and disability. Physical noise is the most common type of noise. Physical noise is a phone ringing, baby crying, horns honking, etc. in other words it is the noise around you. A semantic noise comes when one or more speakers are saying the same thing but are meaning it differently. Semantic noise is when the messages are not understood completely. Psychological noise is when you or the other person is having problems that day. Psychological noise can be a headache, toothache, anything that is distressing. I had to call into work one night because I knew my headache would be a barrier and I would not be able to make drinks for my customers that night. As a bartender, I could not be slacking on my drinks. Physiological noise is when you or the other person has a disability that causes interference. Physiological noise is a hearing disability such as hearing loss or difficulty hearing. If any of these barriers start to become a big problem, you need to step into a different room that is private and quiet. If then you can not understand, you need to write the information down. This will cause fewer barriers and you will understand each other better. There are also certain principles that you must follow when having an interpersonal relationship.

Principles of a better interpersonal relationship

Interpersonal communication is a skill that will be used for a lifetime, it is like manners. If you follow the principles of communication, you will have more conversation and a better understanding of each other. Taking responsibility for your communication behavior means saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I had a teacher in high school, at the start of class she would always say “say what you mean and mean what you say.” That saying has stuck with me throughout life, and it is something to always remember. Acknowledge that your view of a situation is only one of many views. This means there are multiple ways to do something. Listen and evaluate the other person’s statements before responding is something that we all fail to do at times. As soon as someone says something we do not like we are quick to cut that person off without seeing or understanding their point. Remember that communication involves a shared meaning. Means that we all understand the same thing. Respect others as well as yourself, means that if you do not respect yourself no one will. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Practice being a competent communication means always practice these principles. These principles will help you becomes a better communicator. Each one of these principles play a huge role in your interpersonal communication relationship. Even the way we speak to others is the way we view ourselves.

Self- Concept

Self- concept, is the way you view yourself. Self-concept is more of a permanent image of ourselves."Your self-concept is learned; it is organized, and it is changeable over time" (Purkey, 1988). Self-concept stems from both what you tell yourself and what others tell you about yourself. An example would be, Haley, is very pretty and thinks she knows everything. In reality, Haley is not as smart as she self- concept is perceived to be.  Self-concept comes from several things such as “the reactions of others, your comparison with others, the roles you play in society, and the groups which you identify with” (Argyle, 1983). The way you criticize yourself says a lot about your self-concept. Self- image is more permanent than self-concept.

Self-image

The self is the way you cooperate with others and view yourself as a person. Self- image, is a mental picture of yourself. Your self-image comes from your interpersonal communication, it could be from work, school, or personal life.  Self- image is the conceptual picture that we make of ourselves. “When you have a negative self-image, you focus on your faults and weaknesses, distorting failures and imperfections and minimizing your successes and talents” (Cleveland Clinic, 2009). You can appreciate your assist more when you have a positive self-image. Your physical, mental, and emotional effects your self-image. Your self-image will not be the same in twenty years, it is not permanently fixed. Your self-image also reflects the quality of your relationships. Your body image also plays an important role your self- image. You can also change your self-image by not accepting what others have told you about yourself. Body image is connected to how you think, feel, and respond. Self- image, and self-esteem go hand in hand.

Self- Esteem

Self- esteem comes from our beliefs and feelings. This also has a connection with how you interact with others. Self- esteem is based on your level of self- image. Feelings of self-worth are devoured from the success you have in life, personal or professional. If you have negative self-esteem, then it is harder for you to seek help, or ask for help. If you have a higher self-esteem, then you have a good self- image and self-concept. As a child, I had very low self- esteem. I was always the little sister, and people expected me to be just like my older sister. Even as an adult, I have a little bit higher self- esteem. It should be higher than what it is, but that is something I am working on. This is important to you, as my friends because this is how you view yourself in a relationship. If you have high levels of self- esteem then you are able to allow more self- disclosure.

Self- Disclosure

Self-discloser is talking about private or personal things to other people. Personal and private things should only be discussed with close family (parents, and siblings), spouse, and doctors. If you are not comfortable hearing about it, do not speak about it. Think about how you it would make you feel if one of your friends started talking about something private and personal. This goes back to one of the principles: treat others the way you want to be treated. Self-disclosure also includes feelings, fears, hopes, dream, likes, dislikes, etc. Sharing that sort of things allows your partner to understand you a little more. Self-disclosure is an important building block for intimacy and it can not be achieved without it. I had a friend that when she was pregnant, she would call me about every little thing. It made me feel uncomfortable because I did not want to know what was going on with her body. Emotional Intelligence will help block self-disclosure.