Ceo Report

Forgiveness Paper

Grace Basa

Interpersonal Conflict Resolution

June 18, 2017

Dr. Renee Dauer

        Forgiveness affects our lives in many ways. Sometimes it’s easy, and sometimes it’s hard. Forgiving takes time, and it is our choice to do so. Many of us are unwilling to forgive. We hold hard feelings toward others who sins against us and affects us in our daily lives. Some questions arises when I think about forgiveness, is forgiveness for the forgiver or the sinner? What steps can we take to forgive? In this essay, I will share my personal story of forgiveness and the way I forgave.

        In my past, many people betrayed and hurt me. I also have hurt and betrayed others. Growing up, my parents were not together. My mother left the Philippines when I was less than a year old. My father left me with my mother’s family when my mother left. As I grew older, I kept grief and hurt in my heart. Thinking, why do I deserve this? Nobody wants me! Over the years, my family took turns taking care of me. It seems like every three years I transferred schools and moved off. I didn’t have long term friends because of moving often. Because of this, I had issues with commitment, and I watch myself not to get too close to someone.

        Now that I am on my own and independent, I often sit down and take the time to look back on my past. Sometimes I feel so depressed and feels like my life is so sad, but sometimes it makes me realize that if it weren't because of my parents, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. My mother thinks that I hated her for leaving me behind when she left. As I grew older, our relationship grew apart, I barely know her. The longer she’s been gone, the less loneliness I felt. When I was in grade school, I looked up and treated my aunt and uncle as my parents. I called them “mama” and “papa” as they took care of me over the years. My mother to me became a stranger. When she finally came home to visit for my high school graduation, I felt distant from her. I felt like she was a stranger that was my graduation. I didn’t know what to say or how even to start a conversation. Not long after graduating from high school, she told me that I was moving to the United States with her. Knowing that I will be living with her, whom a stranger in my eyes for the family I grew up in and knew was devastating. It made me dislike my mother, and I began to put my walls up.

        Living my family behind put a heavy weight on my heart. The older I got, the more hate and hurt I felt. My mother and I lived together for the first time in 17 years of my life. We couldn’t agree on anything. It seems like we argued every day. I stayed in my room as much I can just to avoid the conflict. One day, I knew I had to change my ways and learn how to forgive her and my father. I had so much hate in my heart; I couldn’t make myself happy.

        The book explained the three-step model of forgiveness. First, Injured innocence – this is when confrontation starts. Find out the truth, ask what happened? Why? I confronted my mother, why did she leave? She explained that she had to leave because there was not enough paying job in the Philippines to support me financially. As much as she hated to leave me, she had to do it to pay for my school. The second step is an obsession, in this step, we replay everything and look back. We track the record. I looked back on the times I cried because I felt unwanted. I left like I didn’t belong anywhere. The third step is transcendence; I think this is the most important step. In this step, we realize that it is not too late to move forward. No matter what happened the world is going to keep going. I realize that unless I forgive my parents, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life.